Exercise is the most underutilised antidepressant
THE TRUTH ABOUT WHY I STARTED WEIGHT TRAINING
Having been Mental Health Awareness Week in May, I thought it the best time to share this with you: THE TRUTH ABOUT WHY I STARTED WEIGHT TRAINING. Believe it or not, it was never to compete in a show nor was it even to change my body composition. For those of you who already know me, apologies for the repetition of this story, but for the majority of you who don’t, this may be an interesting read to find out more about me on such a personal level.
PHYSICAL EFFECTS
Let’s rewind back to 2015-2016. At that time I was in a highly paid job that I loathed, working 12-13 hour days and allowing stress to take a toll on my mental and physical wellbeing. On 2 occasions, colleagues had to get me out of my car as I sat in the car park because I felt so hysterical about starting the working day. Yes, mental health runs in my family but hands down I had never experienced anything like this and if it wasn’t for the people closest to me at the time, I honestly don’t know where I’d be now.
During that same year doctors wanted to refer me to a sleep specialist for repetitive sleep paralysis. I would have endless sleepless nights thinking and dreaming about work, causing me great anxiety that was becoming suffocating.
Sorry to be graphic, but my body was starting to react in strange ways which I know was definitely a result of the stress I was feeling. I was bleeding for no reason down below, having horrible pains in my lower abdomen and my cycle was unbearably painful whereby I would be hunched over at my desk with a hot water bottle, constantly worrying what others above me would think if I dared ask to go home. I do believe the mass stress I was under was causing my body to react in certain ways that I was simply ignoring.
In terms of my eating habits, I could go 1-3 days eating very little due to stress. Once, I worked a whole working day without having one sip of water until 6pm using the excuse ‘I didn’t have time.’ Same went for going to the toilet (not great for the kidneys!)
EMOTIONAL EFFECTS
The last straw for me was getting into a depressive state due to a relationship which wasn’t going to work out at the time. I was in this endless cycle of coming home from work and getting into bed no matter how early it was until the next morning. It was odd if I had a day where I didn’t cry. Despite living alone I became flaky as a person, arranging things with friends but then wanting to cancel just because mentally and emotionally I didn’t feel up to it, only keeping in touch with people I could count on one hand. I would often indulge in food because it felt like my only comfort and made me feel happy in the moment, but then spinning around the carousel again and undereating a lot on other days.
I’m so ashamed to admit this as no one knew, but I would often take travel sickness tablets or Night Nurse before bed because I felt that being knocked out meant I wouldn’t feel any negative emotions and I would be able to sleep.
HEALING
The truth is, my brother Anton and his world of fitness saved me. One day, knowing the state I was in, he sat at the end of my bed (I hadn’t gone to work that day, hadn’t left my bedroom or even opened the door to greet him.) He suggested I start weight training to clear my head and give me something to do after work, like a hobby. I replied that I would think about it and although it sounded like an excuse, I explained that I needed to ‘feel ready’ before I committed. After a few months of contemplating and not having mentioned it since, out of the blue one day I said to him I would give it a try.
It has been nearly 6 years and I’ve never looked back. Weight training for me, is something I simply cannot live without. Walking into the gym and completing a session meant 1 hour of my day where I didn’t cry, didn’t have to think about my problems or stresses at work and experiencing the pain of lifting rather than the pain and emotion that was going on in my head was so much more bearable. At the time, it felt like the only thing that made me feel good about myself, it helped solve the issue of my sleep (I never did reply to the GP letters referring me) and it built my confidence so much when others more experienced would comment on how strong I was getting. Lifting made me feel I could tackle anything, the love for it only ever grew as time went on. I became stronger mentally and physically.
So, the truth is, weight training really did save my life; both my physical but more so my mental health.
People underestimate how much training and other forms of exercise can help and sometimes even heal your mental health.
IF YOU CAN RELATE TO MY STORY
When you feel you have those endless ‘down days’ and you think there is no light, YOU CAN CHANGE IT. Find ‘that something’ like weight training was for me and it just might end up saving you too.
If you have a spare hour of your day, listen to my Podcast (alternatively, the link is in my Instagram Bio), where I speak with the amazing Grant Roberts about my fitness journey in more detail.
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