This quote has stayed in my mind since being probably 6 or 7 years old. I remember being that young and my mum giving me the best piece of advice that I have carried through to adulthood. When I was at Primary School and starting to develop friendships for the first time I remember her saying to me: ‘Tasha, it is important you are friends with everyone. Remember, if you hear someone saying something bad about someone else, don’t ever get involved because if they are saying bad things about others, then imagine what they might be saying about you.’ Since then, I have always been very careful about who I trust, who I associate myself with and how much of my opinions I share with others. No, I’m not someone that has tons and tons of friends, I could in all honesty, count who I fully trust and who are true friends all on one hand. But there is a lot of truth in my mum’s saying. Yes, of course you can have friends who are the complete opposite and who have different opinions and lifestyles to you but on the whole, I do feel you have to be similar to them in some respect. Relating this to fitness, how many of you are thinking that who you associate with whether that be partner or friend is actually stopping you from reaching your goal? I stand by that no friendship or partner should hinder your goals or development in life.
This may sound harsh, but I agree with James Smith in his Not a Diet Book where he says how some people are in the wrong relationships with the wrong people because they are with someone who is bad for their eating, bad for their lifestyles, bad for their physical health. I know for a fact if I was with someone who ate shit all the time, or ordered takeaways 3 times a week, I certainly wouldn’t have been able to compete or even just kept up with my current lifestyle. I may not even be doing the job that I’m doing right now.
The same goes for drinking alcohol. There is nothing wrong with going out and having a great time but if you’re constantly hanging around with someone or in a relationship with someone who drinks so much whereby it gets to the point that that’s all you do, or all they want to do, is that the right relationship? Is that the right friendship? Are they actually holding you back from living a healthier lifestyle? Are they standing in your way from losing those 15 or 20lbs that you want to lose?
Now I’m not claiming to be a relationship counsellor/guru, or even a martyr. But, it is worth noting that you do become similar to the people that you surround yourself with. If you have completely different ideals or views on life, can it only work so much? This might be something worth thinking about. I’m not someone that only has friends in the fitness industry, otherwise there could be that risk of that being all you talk about! All I’m saying is, you tend to gel with people and have that deeper connection with others when you have similar mindsets or ideals. Even if you are completely different to someone you are close with, as long as they support you and help you to grow in ways that you want and are good for you then that’s all that matters.
Let me give you an example and a scenario to get you thinking. Person A and Person B are in a relationship. Person A loves eating and drinking, and so does Person B. Neither have proper hobbies but they do like going out to eat a few times a week. This is what they mostly do in their relationship. Unfortunately, Person B has had a health scare (a heart attack which they’ve survived). Person B has been told they have to seriously change their lifestyle and lose weight because they are obese and the excessive eating and drinking is part of why they have had the health scare in the first place.
After a few months of getting fit and changing lifestyle habits, Person A and B start arguing over food. Person A is the main cook in the household and Person B starts intervening and ‘becoming fussy’ with what is being cooked. Person B has started changing their meals to less calorie dense ones and has started to refuse the food Person A is cooking for them, but Person A takes it personally.
To make up, Person A suggests they go out to eat but Person B feels like they aren’t ready to go out as often as they had been (x2 a week). Person A takes it that Person B doesn’t want to spend time with them anymore. Person A also gets a bit irritated that Wednesday nights which was date night have now become Person B’s gym training night.
Person B has started to realise that their lifestyle and health has improved and they are starting to feel confident again but at the cost of the relationship. Person B has even suggested that Person A start changing their lifestyle as they are also overweight and could potentially go through what they went through. Person A is stubborn and doesn’t want to.
Who is in the right? Is Person B selfish? Should they be considering Person A more and go gym less and just eat Person A’s meals to avoid hurting their feelings? Or could Person A be more supportive? Should Person A care more about their health and start to go to the gym with Person B? Or have they both outgrown each other as their mindsets and lifestyles are now completely different?
I'll let you decide.
The one thing I want you to takeaway is this. I have had clients that I know deep down will only progress so far because they are being held back by a best friend that drinks too much and always asking to share that bottle with them, or a partner that is just not as in to their health. Being surrounded by temptation all the time if you have that best friend that just wants you to eat junk with them all the time or have that partner that will scoff down a whole box of Celebrations as you sit down to watch a film together is hard. I guess what you need to remember is to surround yourself with positive people, people that add value to your life, help and support you to grow and are good for you both physically and mentally.
Oprah Winfrey: Surround yourself with only people who are going to lift you higher.
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